Sick, Sad World

The world continued to spin despite this week's absurdities, curiosities, and just plain old weirdness. In no particular order, here are the things that made me go WTF!

Tyra Banks' Woe Is I Crap: Tyra dressed up for like all of four friggin hours as a really, really fat chick. She went out and public and suffered the dirty looks and scorn that is the daily lot of America's overweight folks. Emotionally and physically exhausted she resumed her supermodel life, dragged out to real-life fat women to sit on her talk-show couch and preceeded to cry on their shoulders about how hard it is to be fat. Self-absorded bitch!

Really Bad Mothers: This week's "winners" just prove that bad mothers come in all colors.

Booby Prize #1 is the Brooklyn, NY (let's hear for the hometown) Red Hook project rat whose toddler son drowned in a nasty, dirty bathtub while she listened to cds in the next room. Child Protective Services knew about this loser because her older son had been scalded by a previous boyfriend. Triflin' no good bitch!

Booby Prize #2 is Cleveland's own poor white trash dummy who sold/gave her baby to a man that she had met once to take across the country to the child's father. This piece of skanky trash then concealed her crime for the entire summer. Luckily, her daughter is still alive. Hope the triflin' no good bitch loses her parental rights forever!

Weasel Alito's Lack of Ethics: Okay, okay...those of you who know me will not be surprised that this guy makes my blood a little cold. When Judge Alito is seated and the country is put on cruise-control to 100+ years of "Jesusland" rule I won't say I told you so.

Still Mr. Alito's ethics seem a little shaky. Which of course makes him like all the other Republicans running the country into the ground. Exhibits A, B & C: the Bush Crime Family, Tom Delay and Gov. Bob Taft. This guy is a weasel. He was suppossed to recuse himself, per his testimony when he was given his present job, from any cases that involved any companies that he held stock in; the company that manages his portfolio; and any cases involving his sister's law firm. But you know what? He didn't! In a trifecta of lapsed ethics, he particiapted in cases involving all of the above. Stay-tuned for Chuck Schummer's tsk-tsk'ing regarding this.

Those Crazy Christian Fundies: Continuing their "good works" that began with that abstinence-only sex-ed crap and moved onto blocking access to Plan B emergency contraception, these dopes are now tying up the HPV (human papllioma virus) vaccine because (GASP!) some teen-age girls might have sex!

Having experienced their success with Plan B personally (locally Planned Parenthood is the only option. Chain-owned pharmacies fearing the rath of the half dozen old white guys who protest at the local abortion providers, don't stock it) and the joys of the results of HPV (wow! so I'm how close to developing cervical cancer?) all I can say is shame on these people!

Cervical cancer, which is what HPV will ultimately cause, kills women. And more often than not women do not notice the symptoms when they are first infected. The results (abnormal/cancerous cells) are detected years later by regular Pap smear. This is one of the most common STDs out there. You do not have to be a slut to get it. Women with as few as one or two partners in a life time have been found to have it. This vaccine will prevent infection, the surgeries, and deaths that this virus causes. To hold it up because unmarried girls and women will have sex is just wrong. If you don't want your daughter to get the vaccine, lock her in the basement until you can marry her off. But keep your religious notions and laws off of my body!

Pay attention straight people: first they chip away at abortion; then they make access to birth-control and sex-ed hard; then they persecute, ridicule and discriminate against gays, lesbians, and trans-gender folks. Who will be next? When Weasel Alito is seated, you might be forced into marriages-for-life. I know, overly dramatic, but I advise you to get your Plan B before you need it, and to get a Passport because you never know when you might have to cut your loses and move to Canada.

Terry McMillian & Her Gay Ex-Husband: their appearnce on Oprah wasn't that exciting. Terry is kind of like your crazy-ass aunt who drinks and smokes way too much. She gets into a rant about how triflin' men are at every family gathering and ends up in tears. What we learned about Black chick lit's #1 writer: a) Jonathan hurt her; b) she still loves him (why does this surprise people? They were married for a number of years); c) Terry can still be dumb like the rest of us (sharing a bubble bath with your (gay) ex-husband? WTF!); d) Jonathan is enjoying his 15 minutes of fame.

Beyonce, Tina & the House of Dereon: Oprah had two must-see t.v. moments this week. If you thought you'd be hearing Jay-Z's dame announce that she was preggers, boy were you dissapointed.

What you were treated to was the premiere of Beyonce and her Creole mama's clothing line. {{{YAWN}}} Suppossedly 1940s-inspired fashions were modeled on mostly skinny chicks. Note to Kelly & Michelle: you two need to get some self-respect and stop being Beyonce's friggin' lap dogs. Aren't you above modeling for her tired ass?

Most of the House of Dereon's fashions would look nice on my 9-year old (especially those peddle- pushers that will make a real woman's leg look like a large ham). Still, B & her mama promised that their jeans will fit those of us with a small waist and a big booty (no gapping in the back, or flattening out of the apple). I'm skeptical, but will withold my final judgement until I try a pair on myself.

Lastly, all of the clothes featured only go to a size 12 or 14? WTF is up with that? You know the big girls will be dying to buy this crap. Yeah, yeah they promised a plus-size line soon. Beyonce and Tina should have launched that shit first, if only to spare us all the sight of too large bodies squeezed into their little corset tops and those friggin peddle-pushers. Plus, Beyonce is one baby away from the plus-size department for life. She reminds me of Chaka Khan. And we all know how she ended up.

Look Sexy. Don't Have Sex: The abstinence-only people got together with the public-service announcement people to bring you this crap. "Young" actresses and singers are appearing in a series of ads that encourage our daughters to look sexy, but not to have sex.

I hate mixed messages! First of all, if you are under like 16 or 17, there is no reason to look even vaguely sexy (young women for the most part don't have the skills to handle the attention). Second, why encourage girls to look like skanks? They will attempt this all on their own without encouragement. Third, they are using Little Kim in one of these ads. Who they hell are they trying to fool? This is a woman who sucked and f*cked to get where she is professionally. Whose the next spokesmodel, "One Night in Paris Skank Hilton?" Give me a friggin' break!